The Beach & Me

By Anonymous -
It's not going to be warm. But I'll do it. Maybe. I know I'll just get up to my waist, get out and roll around in warm sand, go back and wash it of, and so on until I get warm enough to stay in. By then maybe we'll be getting out! There's no point, but it's fun.

  I only like swimming at the beach if I'm not at the beach. Which makes no sense, but anyway, the point is, I'm not going to enjoy the salty swim.

  I shuffle up to the waves of ice and hesitate slightly before stepping forward... It's so warm!

 This was my opinion of the Frankley beach day. It was really warm, for the beach, but there weren't really any waves.😞

Comments

  1. Mr A17 February 2017 at 00:36

    I really enjoyed reading this Alison.

    You have used Personal Voice well here. I like the little snippets of voice where it shows your thinking towards the water and cold!

    I also love the descriptive language which makes me visualise - "waves of ice", "hesitate slightly".

    Very enjoyable to read!

    I would love you to use this as an example for the other learners in the class. Would that be ok?

    Mr A

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous17 February 2017 at 02:35

    we read your workpiece and were delighted with it so much that we replied to you on the email site.Not sure if you will get what we wrote because we are not too good at using the computer-perhaps you can teach us .Anyway we thought that the imagery in your piece was really striking and evocative- thankyou
    Carole and Laurie Greenfield

    ReplyDelete
  3. Shortly20 February 2017 at 13:55

    Lovely writing Alison - the beach is lovely on a good day, isn't it! Watch the changing tenses as you write - "I shuffled up" is past tense but the next sentence "It's so warm" is present tense - can you think of a way to make it all the same tense but still beautifully written? xxx Mum

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous20 February 2017 at 16:12

    Great story Alison. I could really understand you feelings about cold water and the surprise and relief that it wasn't cold.
    Yep, you do like your waves and body surfing. Maybe next time you go to the beach you'll get warm water AND waves. Lisa.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous22 February 2017 at 09:52

    This reminds me of our recent trip to wai-iti beach, especially the bit about rolling in the sand :-)
    Dad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous28 February 2017 at 15:44

      Yeah, I did do a lot of that. Thanks for taking me there.

      Delete

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